How Can I Help My Autistic Child Make Friends?

You can help your autistic child make friends with classmates and neighbours by encouraging shared interests, providing structured meetings, and building their social skills at home.

Autistic kids often struggle to make friends at school due to their unique style of social communication, processing, and ability to read social cues. Often, children with autism need different coaching and explanations of friendship than neurotypical children might. However, this does not mean that your child will not make meaningful friendships because of their autism. Read on for practical tips you can try to help your child make friends.

Explain what a friend is

Autistic children are literal thinkers, so if you explain friendship to them in neurotypical terms, they might not understand or even see the point. Try sitting down with your child and explaining what a friend is, and how they might make you feel. For example, “Friends make you feel good and are kind to you. Do you like people who say nice things about you? Do you like people who say mean things to you?”

Using clear, plain language to describe friendship helps your child visualize the abstract concept of friendship.

Practice making friends at home

Neurotypical children can often learn how to meet new friends through observation or natural social adaptation. Kids with autism need repetition and explanation to approach social situations with confidence. Have your child role play with you or their sibling, and help them develop a script for introducing themselves or asking another child to play. Then, introduce variables that they might face, such as a question from the other child, a suggestion for a different game, or another child asking to share a toy.

Help your child feel safe by being patient with them, explaining clearly and simply what an appropriate response would be and why, or how the phrases they choose might make their friend feel.

Keep interactions activity based

Autistic kids struggle with one-on-one conversation, but they can have great social and friend-making skills while focused on something else. If you are planning play dates, be sure to choose an activity that will keep both kids occupied and reduce the need for conversation. Find a craft that they can work on side-by-side, a board game or video game that they can play at the same time without needing intense interaction, or have them play with creative toys like building blocks.

You can also help your autistic child make friends by exploring clubs related to your child’s interests, where they can meet other kids who enjoy the same activities. If your child is musical, have them join a group. If your child loves to draw, find them a class with other children who enjoy art, and build on these social interactions by having one-on-one play dates with other group members.

Build a community with other autistic kids

Parent support groups or networks can be great places for you to get support and build connections with parents facing the same challenges as you. These groups can also be an excellent way for you to meet parents of other neurodivergent children with the same social challenges. Often, autistic kids get along very well with each other, because they understand the world in a similar way. They don’t need constant conversation or strict social rules to spend time together, and meeting another autistic child can be a great source of decompression for your child.

Try searching for support groups for parents of autistic kids in your area, and see if any other families are struggling with helping their child with friendships.

Follow the rules for play dates

It might feel like having another child over for a play date will help your child feel safe and avoid too much overwhelm. However, your child may not feel comfortable with another child touching their toys and being in their space, especially if they do not have siblings at home. Autistic kids can be very particular about their belongings, and another child playing with or touching them can be incredibly overwhelming.

Instead, try taking your child and their new friend to a neutral location, like the park or an activity, like a zoo or museum. Choose a concrete activity that won’t take up too much time, so you can keep the play date short. 30-60 minutes is more than enough time for autistic kids to enjoy an activity without reaching the point of overwhelm.

Get professional support

Occupational therapy can be a great resource for kids struggling to build social skills and make friends. Try connecting with a professional for support, or try a coaching service like Care Prompt. Care Prompt offers parent coaching and on-demand support for between sessions, and our qualified occupational therapists and assistants build a care plan for each child based on the goals you set together. Contact us to learn more about our coaching services and therapy options!